Young man SHocks

Once an old man was waiting for a train, sitting on a bench.
A young boy came to him and asked the time.
Old man refused to tell the time.
Boy insisted again & again but old man denied again & again.
Boy asked the reason?
Old man said if i tell you the time,
then you will ask about me,my name,job etc.
Then i will ask about you,both of us will be frank.
By chance you may get the seat with me.
Then you may get down at my station. My daughter will come to receive me.
She will meet you. She is beautiful. You may fall in love with her, she too.
Then she may insist to marry u, even may threaten me. And i am sorry that I don't want such a poor son in law who hasn’t his own watch to see the time.

Torn Condoms

Husband:why are the torn condoms lying on the sofa?

Wife:What?where?

Wife goes 2 find them n comes back angrily
saying will u stop calling our children-Torn condoms: :D :D

To curious students :P

principal enter the classroom and kissed madam..
and said:
see children AIDS does not transmit through kissing..
.
.
student: sir plzz show us how does it transmit also.. :P

Old man and his Pond

An old man owned a pond on his farm, lined with fruit trees.
One day he went there with a basket to get fruits.
On reaching, he found some young ladies swimming in the pond.
They went in deep water to shield themselves and said :
We wont come out until u leave.
Old man : I'm not here to see u swim naked
or to get u out of the pond naked.
I'm here just to feed the Crocodile in the pond.
Moral: No matter the age,
            Men can think really fast when they come across women ;) :))

First night

Girl :"Please, not today, Lets spend our
1st night understanding each other.

Boy : Darling Something 'Under' is already
'standing for you :)) :P

Girl at Bra shop

A 13 year girl at a bra shop...
Girl-show me bra
.
Shop keeper-36"?
.
Girl-smaller
.
Shop keeper-32"?
.
Girl-smaller
.
Shop keeper-24"?
.
Girl-smaller
.
Shop keeper-20"?
.
Girl-smaller
.
Shop keeper(in angry)-madam u take some
cream it must b a pimple.........

Always Hope for best

One Can Count No. of Seeds in APPLE,
but,
1 can not count No. of APPLE in seed..!
FUTURE is unseen, Always HOPE 4 BEST!!!!!!!!

Really somethings never change

You don't know something?

Google it

You don't know some one?

Facebook it.

You don't find something?

Mummmmmmmmyyyyyyyyyyyy !!!!!!!

Some things never change :)

santa pick of note

Santa and his son Banta ::
Banta : Dad, if you get 10 rupee note
            and 5 rupee note on the road,
            which one would you pick?? 0_0
Santa : I would pick 10 rupee note. 8-)
Banta : Now I get why people crack jokes on you. :D
           You could pick up both. :P

Wife trolled

Wife pointing at a couple next door says to her husband:
Look at him he kisses her all the time, can’t u do that?

Husband : I tried but she slapped me. :P

libaas aur kafan..

Bina libaas ke aaye they hum iss jahan me,
Bas ek kafan ki khaatir itna safar tay karna pada."

jindagi itni bhi muskil nahi dost

Kho jaoge toh har manjil ki raah mil jati hai,
Sochoge toh har baat ki wajah mil jati hai,
Zindgi itni bhi mazbur nahi ae dost…!
Jigar se jiyo toh maut bhi jine ki adaa ban jati hai.

cigarette teri yaad bhulaney

cigarette jalaya tha teri yaad bhulaney ke liyee.....
kambakht dhooheyy ne bhi teri tasweer bana dalii....

Gujjus rock

Delhites: save water
Mumbaikars: save fuel
Bangaloreans: save electricity
Gujju: sev fafda, sev kamani, sev tameta, sev gathi, sev mamra !!! :P

Only Boys Can Understand..!! any girl ??

Only Boys Can Understand:

Sun Is Not The Only Thing That Rises Up In The Morning..........!!... :) :) :)

like who got it.. ;)

jai ho "Maal baba"

Girl : babaji, mobile me balance nahi rahta hai,
```` kya karu jisse balance kabhi khatam hi na ho..
baba: aapka koi boyfriend hai..???
````
Girl:nahi hai babaji.. !!!
````
Baba:bus isliye kripa ruki hue hai..
`````boyfriend bana lo fir kabhi balance khatam nahi honga..!! :P

domino's trolled

The best prank call ever:
.
.

" Hello, dominos? "
... .
..
.

"Yes sir,
How may I help u?"
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.

"Bhai bata na ghar pe PiZZA kese banau.
help karna yaar!!": :-P :-D

salesman trolled

A salesman knocks at the door of a home
and it's answered by a 16 yr old boy
with a cigar in one hand and
a half empty bottle of scotch in the other.
The salesman asks the boy,
"Excuse me son but is your mom or dad in?"
To which the boy replies, "Does it fucking look like it?" :P ;))

Maal baba

bhakt :----- babaji ladki nahi pat rahi :
mal baba:- last time ladki kab dekhi,
bhakt :---- babaji aaj subha mohalle me dekhi:
mal baba :- bus yahi se kripa ruki huyi hai,
___________aisa hai kal se mohalle ke bahar bhi muh maro,
___________kripa aani shuru ho jayegi. . Ashirwad. . . . . . :P

Which girl is better ??

Who Is Better?
An Innocent girl Or A Decent girl?
.
.
.
.
.
.

ANSWER:-"Can't Say!Because, You Can't Compare Two Imaginary Things"!!! :P ;D

Is your life uninteresting - here is tip for you

Kya aap

ke paas girlfriend nahi he?

Kya padosn Line nahi deti?

Kya Ladki bhaiya kehti he?

Life me kuch maza nahi?

To ye mantra hamesha jappe

@- " HE BHAGWAN UTHALE MUJHE " - 

Dont worry it will change ;)

If you're in a bad situation, don't worry it'll change.
If you're in a good situation, don't worry it'll change.

Understand yourself

Do not worry if others do not understand you.
Worry only if you cannot understand yourself.

This is what oversmartness can do to you

Son of a powerful politician was boasting in a party: 
                                 Do you know who my father is?
Another guy: Shame on you. 
                   You are a grown up guy 
                  and still you don't know who your father is. :P

Listen before you speak ;)

Teacher : Tell me a sentence that starts with an 'I'.
Student : I is the .........
Teacher : Stop!! Never put 'is' after an 'I'.
Student : Ok. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet. :P

choice for comfort

Boyfriend : Please keep me in your brain not in your heart. ^_~
Girlfriend : How funny, why not heart?? :/
Boyfriend : Because your heart is houseful & brain is empty.
                      More empty space means more comfort. :P

Torn condoms

Husband:why are the torn condoms lying on the sofa?

Wife:What?where?

Wife goes 2 find them and comes back angrily

saying will u stop calling our children-Torn condoms: :D :D

Students rock as always ;)

In a classroom teacher was asking question to a boy.

Teacher : Do you know Avogadro's number??

Student : Was Avogadro a girl??

Teacher : No, he was a boy.

Student : Sorry sir, I don't keep boy's number. :D

Tips to get your work done ;)

The phone ring at FBI headquarters

"Hello"

"Hello. Is this FBI??"

"Yes, what do you want??"

"I am calling to report my neighbour, Allison! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."

"Thank you very much for the call sir."

The next day FBI agents descend to Allison's house. They searched the shed where the firewood was kept. Using axes, they burst open every piece of wood but they found no marijuana, so they left Allison's house.

The phone rings at Allison's house after they had left.

"Hey Allison, did FBI come??"

"Yeah."

"Did they chop your firewood??"

"Yep."

"Great, now its your turn to call. I need my garden ploughed." :D

Think before you mess with a kid

A man was seated next to a kid in an airplane.
The man turned to him and said,"Let' s Talk."
Kid: Ok, what do we talk about?
Man(Making fun of the kid): How about nuclear power?
Kid: Very interesting topic, But let me ask you a question...?
Horse Cow and Deer, all eat grass.
Yet deer excretes pellets, cow flat potty and horse clumps. Why?
Man: I don't know...!
Kid: Do you really feel yourself qualified enough to discuss
nuclear issues when you don't even know shit? :P